Grow Me OldFall 2002

Inspiration: Life takes a huge turn. In late October the season sets on Margaret and I after 4.5 years together. I miss her and the children. Thanks to all my wonderful friends for your support in these difficult times.

CAUTION - raw anger and sadness ahead....

Beyond the point of delish (020920)

There is a point
To what I say
Though she can’t hear it
Through the fray
I make
In defense
Of my way.

The issue is not
"wrong or right"
but usually something
very trite
and consensus
is likely
within sight

So look ahead
Beyond my wish
Think a moment
Cast for fish
To find a meeting
That’s delish.

Quite a day (021002)
Thanks chris

its quite a day

when mice get trapped
in a maggots dream

and models scheme

and ministers motion
for a saving potion

and cursors blink
thru all that stink

The patience of faith (021004)
Thanks margaret

Sometimes faith is all that we got.
Without it we do nothing.
With it worlds are built and bought.
And re-built when foundations rot

Faith is what drew me to you
and faith has kept me here.
"Assessed 'objectively' - who knows?"
And other questions yet to pose.

The way shit should (021007)
Thanks dave

Lots of shit
don't work out
the way we think
shit should

Bags up (021022)
Thanks chris

maybe i got some energy
to do all that yard work
and paper work
and the grindy stuff that
bags up our nylons

got some will to consider
all those plans to be hatched
in this opportune town
where there's breathing and scheming room
like i never dreamed -
though i always did,
and here i am.

Pictures on the pyre (021102)
I burned my photos of margaret and her kids in a well thought out but rather angry and hurtful moment of `therapy`.

Something burned
for sure
upon the picture pyre

A little anger
Some precious memories
A chance to hurt –
They all conspire.

They could all
Explode –
Or just sizzle
Your desire.

For a reason –
For a name
To call –
But you`re not the cryer.

You`re just another heart on fire.

No prisoners (021102)

You took no prisoners
Of emotion,
No compassion
Could be found,
To spread around
Or pile high
upon my wound –
Why not deny
That it could even happen –
Or say I`m sick,
"Please get a grip
I can’t hold you
Up
Too."

That’s how you slew.

More than one day (021103)

Some things can’t be
The way they were.
Still the way they were
Was good.

Some things will hurt
For quite a while,
And take some time
To be understood.

Some things last
For just one day
And when sun sets
They leave a ray
To light a hand
Along the way
Where some things last -
And then we stray.

Over the hills of lost tunes (021103)

All the tunes that have
Slipped by
When I’ve been getting high
Are lost -
And that’s a shame.

All the kindness
Not extended
While I pretended
To be busy
Has gone to waste.

But …
all the hands not held
and hearts not heard
and the "listen please"
by my voice obscured.
Are reaching out
And beating still.
They patiently
ascend the hill

Of tunes we lost
And kindness dropped
Of dreams and other
Bubbles popped.
At the crest they breathe ...........
And then descend
There’s another climb
Around the bend.

Upmoving (021109)
Janet moves to gibsons

Congrats on the new number,
and address -
are you a beachcomber now?

You got a new home,
and life -
can you tell me how?

To bridge the new dream
and the old -
to greet the future
that will unfold -
to love the past
but loose the hold.

You got a new coast
and sandy shoes -
I'm happy you're there
to give me clues.

Grow me old (021110)

I loved those three.
I cared for them
and fought with them
so now I see -
How love needs lovers,
or it just hovers.

Well – can I go?
And pick new parts
and choose some hearts
‘cause now I know -
That love needs weeding,
as well as feeding.

Where will I stand?
To tend the ground
and spread around
the love I’ve planned -
that needs a home
beyond this poem.

Someone will call.
I’ll hear the voice
and make the choice -
Even if I fall,
still love will hold,
and grow me old.

Put that love back (021111 chris ziendler)

Put that love
Back in the ground
To be seeded not burried

Put that love
Back into you
Take a breath, this can't be hurried

Put that love
Back to the roots
It will grow, so don't be worried

Your hands stay (021112 isabella mori)

god be with me
as i not meditate
god help me
meditate
god be with me
tell me i'm safe, god
tell me i'm safe
safe in your hand
tell me god
i'm so tired god
tell me
i can sleep
tell me: no more ...
only ...
god be with me
i am so tired
so tired of this world
how much longer?
but god
if you be with me
if you be with me, god
then i can make it
however long you want me to.

i don't understand
this world myself my neighbour
i do not understand
you
but god
if you be with me
if you stay with me as these tears run down
if you stay with me in this loneliness
god
i don't need to understand it all

be with me god
with your music and your moon, god
with your mountains and your prayers, god
with light around people and with softness in hands
god, if you be with me
in my own giving from my own hands
if your hand stays with me as all this happens
i can make it

and please god,
help me meditate,
help me pray

drink of the new water (021114 janet kee)

Whoopee,
Now that's what I call
A good poem
from youm to meem
with rhyme.

wishing well
going deeper
taking a drink
of the new water
under the bridge.

The stream continues its flow,
from past to future, only now
is the movement
and the shining
sunshine on it.

Like me!
Like you!

I gotta guest suite,
for my buddies dear.
Hope you can meet me there
for a re-treat some year??

So it is with Love (021114 jody nassr)

Those who love, must love.
Though they will be hurt and made fools of,
Know much sorrow, much less, bliss,
They will never relent,
Nor regret.
For the sake of love's kiss.

Left Someday (021115)

Find the inheritors
And love them well.
Give them food
For a story to tell.
Think ahead
To when we’re past -
Share the rod
So they can cast.

Build a home
To grow me old.
Feed some hearts
For love to hold.
Suffer the pain
That life inspired.
Rest assured –
The dream is sired.
And tended well
By a present mind.
Then left someday
For the inheritors to find.

Don’t let me fix you up (021118)

I lost
my faith
in you

but not
the world
or myself

though each
has changed
Forever.

I hope
you change
some more

and call
me up
to question

my words
that sounded
Clever.

Or stay
the same
despite

my urge
to fix
you up

as the way
to keep us
together.

Why have a dream (021119)

I have a dream –
To see the world
Better, different or just
A little more like me.

Four years ago
My love and I
Imaged a stage
And a theatre company.

Now the play’s produced
But my love is gone
There’s a risk I know
In dreaming on.
?Can I love her still
For the faith inspired
Yet say goodbye
To the heart desired.

In years to come
The stage will serve
To train the young
And raise the cream

To speak the gems
Though curtains fall
And applause will fade –
I have a dream.

Avoid the glue (021123)

We never end up
But only pass thru
We fly with what lifts
Instead of what’s true
We stick with a bomber
Avoiding the glue.

At peace like all the dead ramones (021128)

ahhh the sometimes peace
of new digs
and new lives.

i'm lucky.
and sad.
and happy.

i miss her.
but at least
i've got me.

Season Set (021205)

Forgive me
For losing
The common ground
That we shared.

Those hand held walks
And dusty road runs
Till it snowed
And we skied
On the hills
Of our dreams.

Please pardon
My anger
That shut you
Right down

Those silent forced marches
And icy family dinners
Till it burst
And I struck
At the heart
Of your soul.

I regret
Not wanting
It badly enough
To understand

That your heart needed care
Your oppression a rest
Till it surrendered
And retreated
From the wounds
Of my words.

Thank you
For the miles
Of life
That we covered.

Those Quebec city summers
And India marketing trips
Till the sun
Set the stage
For the set
Of our season.

Copyright Notice © 2002 Peter Gillies, Janet Kee, Chris Zeindler, Isabella Mori, Jody Nassr

The inexpensive smile spring 2002

Inspiration: family, friends, the big assets- thanks all!


No luxury denied (020104)
Linney needs encouragement to take a break from work

go home
stretch out
take a trip
reroute

get off your feet
give your pillow a punch
tuck yourself in
and get up for lunch

Ah love (020109)
Helen’s son james brings home la premiere amie du coeur

Tongue and nose
in metal pose
the chance to kiss
a different rose

new medicine or old (020109)
mom becomes a patient at the family medicine clinic

the intern’s young
and listens well
with "quality of life"
she casts her spell

but morphine’s still
a step away
?the saviour for a rainy say
?the hand a doctor’s taught to play.

Diagonal In the intersection (020125)
Sandra send me a birthday greeting with tales of vancouver snow

cars coming backwards
down the hill

a bus on the sidewalk
against its will

snow needs shoveling
twice a day

everybody's asking
"how long will it stay"

slipypy (020130)

the roads are slippy
It's snowing big flakes.
the bed's toasty warm
and sleeps the norm
for heaven sakes

nuts in the shell of life (020207)

i've learned …

that the feet of an elderly person
fall asleep in your arms

and a gift from a child
needs a friend to act goofy

and the block on summer nights
gets to the end faster.

and money doesn't make life's hard shell
all in one day.

and

That life is tough, but

a smile is an inexpensive way
to choose your newly born grandchild

though the top of the mountain occurs
all the way down to the last

Away with words (020216)

I got a way, of knowin everything
I gotta say, the very last word
But if you’ll play along for just a little while
It won’t be long, until its absurd, and you’ll have observed
a friend

I need a chance, to make a dialogue
I’ll change my pants, and maybe sound less fat
But if you’ll talk it up for just a little while
Soon enough, I’ll purr like a cat, and you’ll know that
I care

Refrain 1:
I start to push, and you push back
I say its "white", but I only hear "black"
It takes a day or more, to put pride on the floor, and say "I adore
your voice"

I hear myself shout, I need to validate
I’m fumbling about, on two right feet
But if you read between the lines a little while
Pas longtemps, peut’etre toute suite, je vous invite
a dancer

Refrain 2
I’ll wanna lead, but so will you
Its not a job, that’s made for two
It takes a change of heart, for me to re-start, and live the art
Of love
It takes day or four, to put pride out the door, and say "I’m here for
you."
Pas longtemps, peut’etre toute suite, and I’ll have to eat
My words

Did you? (020220)
Margaret offers me gifts

"Did you smell the trees today"
She sensed
Then I saw the door

"Did you know they cloned a cat"
She offered
And I learned much more

"Did you like the birthday cake"
She asked
At 49 I soar

"Did you take you happiness pill"
She wondered
And that I love her for

Benny’s eggs (020228)
Sister in law chris leads the planning for the annual easter festivities in the 1000 islands

all i want is a room somewhere
and well done eggs without a hair
i'd like a hottub
but to be fair
i'll take beans and biere
on tupperware

What took you so long (020301 chris zeindler)

I'll have mine hard not runny
Only delivered by a male bunny
Biere you say?
Oh! what a day
God-damn I think I'm funny..

Bring your own bunnies (020301)

you are an artiste
in your own mind
you'll bring the bunnies
in something fine
to hop around
while we share a pine
t

First to perform (020311)

we must eat
to stay alive
we must drink
unless we drive
hold the salt
adhere to KISS
use the outhouse
when we piss.

No bitin (chris ziendler)

Thanks for the rhyme
it came just in time
'cause I'm feelin' quite blue,
and I don't know what to do.

Our turn to be fightin'
so far there's no bitin'
We are in quite a rut
and I'm sick in my gut
maybe it's time to move to a hut?

Rooted or rutted (030312)

life in a hut
might be a big treat
if one was a squirrel
or a monk on retreat

life in a rut
isn't very much fun
for a coupla birdies
that a sharin a bun

or a pair of petunias
that are wrapped in the sun.

though their heads they may butt
their roots they won't cut.

silence stoned (020305)
more words to eat

I said some nasty words
And the ensuring silence stoned
But it hurts you more than me
Cause anger can’t be cloned
It needs to ember slow

Supportive (030318)

you "need to be supportive"
is the wisdom for the day.

you need to listen to the
"yahadedadadaablblbaablblaaburbble"
that i say

just wait for friday beer time
to serve up compromise
on a tray

bushspokenly (030315 janet kee)

My dear:
This is Bush speak is truly funny.
Thank you for your warm wind message.
I have heard that your mother has not been well..how is it all?
Sorry to hear of exman disputations.
Cold spring here happeing.
Feeling you most fondly.
love, j

hyer pyer (030316)

thanks for your bushspokenwarmly words
like a pantleg in the toolbooth of opportunity
your wind take wing to a higher pie
making exman disputations freeze
like a cold spring hap peeing

past over for a Miss Underestimated Handshake

felt fondly
like the question
rarely asked

a higher pie (030317 janet kee)

your words
like persian cat hair on the couch of consciousness
settle in and cling
heedless of breezes
inspiring rippling chuckles.

Their fullfillment (030318)

you look good
though friends are bare

and when they're tailored
the world may stare

at your fullfillment
and how you care

to raise the pie
to grow the share

friends bear (030322 janet kee)

you mix the poems
so fine and higher,
only connect
is all.
----
pit bull's pant
elvis rant
possible fulfillment
flows from bare friends
graces.

Bare in grace (030323)

bare friends in grace
seek sainthood -
and a trace
of the fine elvis rant
to smile their face

hangin (030324)

hanging in
there now
needs hugs
not big plugs
which stop the shit
from flowing

medical marijuana (030315)

the logic
is quite simple …

if no one is smoking
medical marijuana
then its clearly NOT
medical marijuana

if some are smoking
medical marijuana
then it COULD BE
medical marijuana

if both of us - officer - are smoking
medical marijuana
then WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE but
medical marijuana

well you might want to test it
before you arrest it

you might wanna sniff around
before you purchase a pound

you could be lookin over
a four leaf clover

you could compromise the high
and get recruited as a spy

for medical marijuana

WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE but
Medical marijuana

How’d you get your prescription
Without some encryption

How’d you fit with "research"
Did you become a church

I’ve inhaled lots of hot air
I’ve reiterated "I care"
I’ve been constipated and it wasn’t fair
But that I mitigated with a golden bear

With some medical marijuana

IT COULD have BEen
Medical marijuana

It pays to be skeptical
Until you have a puff
Don’t judge yourself too critical
Until you’ve had enough

Don’t fill yourself
Or piss yourself
Or dish yourself
A dirty deal
Go down

Don’t risk another round

If its clearly NOT
Medical marijuana

Easter dinner (020327)

eat a goat
for easter dinner

in case the bunny
has gotten thinner

or jesus christ
descends a winner

the guru says (020328)
sister in law chris is learning how to walk

the guru says
put one foot down

and then the other
should swing around

and be in front
for just a sec

any longer and
you'll break your neck

not whenever (030301
larry and I commiserate that our mom’s have little control over bedtime

moms are tucked in
but its not their time
the nurse's watch
will do just fine

Pitbulls on the pantleg of freedom (janet kee 020425)

from this pale place
to your bare face
greetings in
spring time
rhythms.

Elvis congregated.
Celebrated
elvison's
immiment decampment to climes
afar.
she is a pitbull on the pantleg
of freedom.

Grooves abounded,
special wontoning,
shanghai noodling,
yumyums.

In my bare face (020604)

though grooves abound
and tunes are found
among the notes at random

the shangai noodle
no diamond poodle
can work the sticks in tandem

and starve your granny fandom

no plumbers grip (Giselle gilfillan 020611)
waiting for the roofers

the rain is pelting
the morning sky grey
roofers wait and fret
not knowing what day

might be the one
after all...
they need to get a grip!!
(unlike plumbers!)

warned (020618)
heading to chris and phil’s in yul for st jean baptiste day

you told me once
and said it again
friday nite's face
may hint at rain
but fuck the drops
the bourbon stops
here

all right Friday (Chris zeindler)
tunin up

I want it sung
on Friday night
Don't forget the guitar
while packing the car
Then it will be, ALL RIGHT

Missing aunts
Getting nostalgick

heah i can sing
you can dance
phil can sport
his favourite pants
let's drink enough
to miss the aunts

either way
getting thristy

tabernoosh
tabernack
either way
i'm set to snack
on st jean's day
there'll be no lack
of cocks with tails
or six with packs

fristfrench (chris zeindler)

on y va celebrer
ca va comme ca
que nous partier

jumpin in (020704 Chris zeindler)

Once you jump in,
you stop reacting
to the noise around
and enjoy instead
the calm you've found

no fear (020705 phil barker)

sore bum - how come?
new plan - listen man

on your head but not in bed
don't sit (or shit)

do walk but don't squawk
drink beer without fear

with what you've got, laugh a lot
feel better with my letter?

Lick no fear (020706)

i don't have to sit
to take that shit
when i got a behind
thats worth a gold mine
to the nurse that's eager to prick me

i'm hearin ya man
while waving the fan
that's fighten the heat
from my ass to my feet
and coolin my urge to kick me

i'm not afraid to drink beer
but it seems a tad queer
that a bat would prefer to lick ME

bat bum (020707 nancy barker)

a bat, no fun, an aching bum
no need to show
a bite mark: No!
'twas just a kiss
from batty lips
to force your bum to numb

a bat, your bed, enough was said
to raise the fear
a virus near
no pain, no gain,
your life is dear
A frozen bat, but you're still here!

no doubt no rabies lingered there
you'll rue the day
that made you say
"there was a bat..."
"hey, I read about that"
and now, a sore posterior!

Copyright Notice © 2002 Peter Gillies, Janet Kee, Chris Zeindler, Phil Barker, Nancy Barker. Gisèle Gilfillan