Grow Me OldFall 2002

Inspiration: Life takes a huge turn. In late October the season sets on Margaret and I after 4.5 years together. I miss her and the children. Thanks to all my wonderful friends for your support in these difficult times.

CAUTION - raw anger and sadness ahead....

Beyond the point of delish (020920)

There is a point
To what I say
Though she can’t hear it
Through the fray
I make
In defense
Of my way.

The issue is not
"wrong or right"
but usually something
very trite
and consensus
is likely
within sight

So look ahead
Beyond my wish
Think a moment
Cast for fish
To find a meeting
That’s delish.

Quite a day (021002)
Thanks chris

its quite a day

when mice get trapped
in a maggots dream

and models scheme

and ministers motion
for a saving potion

and cursors blink
thru all that stink

The patience of faith (021004)
Thanks margaret

Sometimes faith is all that we got.
Without it we do nothing.
With it worlds are built and bought.
And re-built when foundations rot

Faith is what drew me to you
and faith has kept me here.
"Assessed 'objectively' - who knows?"
And other questions yet to pose.

The way shit should (021007)
Thanks dave

Lots of shit
don't work out
the way we think
shit should

Bags up (021022)
Thanks chris

maybe i got some energy
to do all that yard work
and paper work
and the grindy stuff that
bags up our nylons

got some will to consider
all those plans to be hatched
in this opportune town
where there's breathing and scheming room
like i never dreamed -
though i always did,
and here i am.

Pictures on the pyre (021102)
I burned my photos of margaret and her kids in a well thought out but rather angry and hurtful moment of `therapy`.

Something burned
for sure
upon the picture pyre

A little anger
Some precious memories
A chance to hurt –
They all conspire.

They could all
Explode –
Or just sizzle
Your desire.

For a reason –
For a name
To call –
But you`re not the cryer.

You`re just another heart on fire.

No prisoners (021102)

You took no prisoners
Of emotion,
No compassion
Could be found,
To spread around
Or pile high
upon my wound –
Why not deny
That it could even happen –
Or say I`m sick,
"Please get a grip
I can’t hold you
Up
Too."

That’s how you slew.

More than one day (021103)

Some things can’t be
The way they were.
Still the way they were
Was good.

Some things will hurt
For quite a while,
And take some time
To be understood.

Some things last
For just one day
And when sun sets
They leave a ray
To light a hand
Along the way
Where some things last -
And then we stray.

Over the hills of lost tunes (021103)

All the tunes that have
Slipped by
When I’ve been getting high
Are lost -
And that’s a shame.

All the kindness
Not extended
While I pretended
To be busy
Has gone to waste.

But …
all the hands not held
and hearts not heard
and the "listen please"
by my voice obscured.
Are reaching out
And beating still.
They patiently
ascend the hill

Of tunes we lost
And kindness dropped
Of dreams and other
Bubbles popped.
At the crest they breathe ...........
And then descend
There’s another climb
Around the bend.

Upmoving (021109)
Janet moves to gibsons

Congrats on the new number,
and address -
are you a beachcomber now?

You got a new home,
and life -
can you tell me how?

To bridge the new dream
and the old -
to greet the future
that will unfold -
to love the past
but loose the hold.

You got a new coast
and sandy shoes -
I'm happy you're there
to give me clues.

Grow me old (021110)

I loved those three.
I cared for them
and fought with them
so now I see -
How love needs lovers,
or it just hovers.

Well – can I go?
And pick new parts
and choose some hearts
‘cause now I know -
That love needs weeding,
as well as feeding.

Where will I stand?
To tend the ground
and spread around
the love I’ve planned -
that needs a home
beyond this poem.

Someone will call.
I’ll hear the voice
and make the choice -
Even if I fall,
still love will hold,
and grow me old.

Put that love back (021111 chris ziendler)

Put that love
Back in the ground
To be seeded not burried

Put that love
Back into you
Take a breath, this can't be hurried

Put that love
Back to the roots
It will grow, so don't be worried

Your hands stay (021112 isabella mori)

god be with me
as i not meditate
god help me
meditate
god be with me
tell me i'm safe, god
tell me i'm safe
safe in your hand
tell me god
i'm so tired god
tell me
i can sleep
tell me: no more ...
only ...
god be with me
i am so tired
so tired of this world
how much longer?
but god
if you be with me
if you be with me, god
then i can make it
however long you want me to.

i don't understand
this world myself my neighbour
i do not understand
you
but god
if you be with me
if you stay with me as these tears run down
if you stay with me in this loneliness
god
i don't need to understand it all

be with me god
with your music and your moon, god
with your mountains and your prayers, god
with light around people and with softness in hands
god, if you be with me
in my own giving from my own hands
if your hand stays with me as all this happens
i can make it

and please god,
help me meditate,
help me pray

drink of the new water (021114 janet kee)

Whoopee,
Now that's what I call
A good poem
from youm to meem
with rhyme.

wishing well
going deeper
taking a drink
of the new water
under the bridge.

The stream continues its flow,
from past to future, only now
is the movement
and the shining
sunshine on it.

Like me!
Like you!

I gotta guest suite,
for my buddies dear.
Hope you can meet me there
for a re-treat some year??

So it is with Love (021114 jody nassr)

Those who love, must love.
Though they will be hurt and made fools of,
Know much sorrow, much less, bliss,
They will never relent,
Nor regret.
For the sake of love's kiss.

Left Someday (021115)

Find the inheritors
And love them well.
Give them food
For a story to tell.
Think ahead
To when we’re past -
Share the rod
So they can cast.

Build a home
To grow me old.
Feed some hearts
For love to hold.
Suffer the pain
That life inspired.
Rest assured –
The dream is sired.
And tended well
By a present mind.
Then left someday
For the inheritors to find.

Don’t let me fix you up (021118)

I lost
my faith
in you

but not
the world
or myself

though each
has changed
Forever.

I hope
you change
some more

and call
me up
to question

my words
that sounded
Clever.

Or stay
the same
despite

my urge
to fix
you up

as the way
to keep us
together.

Why have a dream (021119)

I have a dream –
To see the world
Better, different or just
A little more like me.

Four years ago
My love and I
Imaged a stage
And a theatre company.

Now the play’s produced
But my love is gone
There’s a risk I know
In dreaming on.
?Can I love her still
For the faith inspired
Yet say goodbye
To the heart desired.

In years to come
The stage will serve
To train the young
And raise the cream

To speak the gems
Though curtains fall
And applause will fade –
I have a dream.

Avoid the glue (021123)

We never end up
But only pass thru
We fly with what lifts
Instead of what’s true
We stick with a bomber
Avoiding the glue.

At peace like all the dead ramones (021128)

ahhh the sometimes peace
of new digs
and new lives.

i'm lucky.
and sad.
and happy.

i miss her.
but at least
i've got me.

Season Set (021205)

Forgive me
For losing
The common ground
That we shared.

Those hand held walks
And dusty road runs
Till it snowed
And we skied
On the hills
Of our dreams.

Please pardon
My anger
That shut you
Right down

Those silent forced marches
And icy family dinners
Till it burst
And I struck
At the heart
Of your soul.

I regret
Not wanting
It badly enough
To understand

That your heart needed care
Your oppression a rest
Till it surrendered
And retreated
From the wounds
Of my words.

Thank you
For the miles
Of life
That we covered.

Those Quebec city summers
And India marketing trips
Till the sun
Set the stage
For the set
Of our season.

Copyright Notice © 2002 Peter Gillies, Janet Kee, Chris Zeindler, Isabella Mori, Jody Nassr