A new home, a new hand to hold, friends around, life abounds …
Seasons as they fall - (sundogs rain sap) (030323)
First poem of spring
Dog shit snow slushing
as summer
is a comin' in.
Sap trapped trees track
the budding beats
of spring
Sun shadows struck chord
across a winter
white
Rain drops stopped short
of icing
as they fall
The honest touch of love (030330)
First poem for clare
?Is love to close?
To breathe all the airs
To tempt all the dares
That I could double
As a friend
?is touch too soon?
To trust the hand it deals
To wonder how it feels
Without the trouble
To pretend
?Is honesty too much?
To fantasize a plane
Of existence without pain
And burst the bubble
At the end
Sideways dream (030404)
big sky porch stare
at birdhouse sideways dream
cross room butt warm
endorsement for our scheme
Assertion (030404)
that tricky fellow anger
who tries to shield our hurt.
withers with forgiveness
if only we assert
the hand of self respect which
too often rests inert
At the boundaries of our lives (030411)
Commitment - not forever -
but for now.
To being there
for coffee rise
or moonlight set.
Investment - at low interest -
returned fast.
To make a smile
for neighbour's eyes
or foreign debt.
Exploration - beyond the comfort
of familiar.
To falling short
For all to see
Or darkness let.
Truthfulness - at the boundaries
of our lives.
To tell it first
For us to try
the dream we get.
Entrusted to a seed
Up come
So many buds
And I don’t know
Their names.
Its all the same
To me
Its plain to see
Some will be trees
Some day.
Down stream
Of melting snow
And I don’t feel
The flood
That sweeps the blood
To mind
It pains to find
How love becomes unkind
How ever.
Surrounded
By the dust
And I should trust
The seed
That sprouts from need
To burst
Its not the first
Entrusted to a thirst
In time.
Imagining Godfrey (030418)
Clare and I talk doggies
That symbol
Has dogged me
For more than a week.
And it warms
My heart
Every time you speak
Or wag
Your smile
And let me peek.
In time a feast of black tomatoes (030418)
I’m turning the soil
For you black tomatoes
And oiling the pan
To fry some potatoes
There’s food for the stomach
While some feeds our soul
There’s hunger and heartache
To render as toll.
Time takes its time
While we make ourselves whole.
Minimum Casualties (030419)
I could just drop everything
And fly
Away.
I’m not obliged
To buy this house -
Only to see mom
Tucked safely
In a new home.
Fuck the leech movie
Screened too many times
This week.
And fuck her –
The willing host.
Explode the long anger road
With minimum casualties -
Me.
The careful shoulder (030421)
I put a care
Upon my shoulder
To let it dance
And play.
Then stepped aside
To let it ride
Until it could
No longer stay.
I placed a second
On its perch
To face a different
Tune.
So still we sat
Each knowing that
Departure would be
Soon.
A third and fourth
They each arose
To sit upon
The throne.
They weigh me down
They make me frown
And then they leave me
All alone.
Just stop and sit –
Together – wait.
Till time delivers
Wings.
Then fly along -
You know the song
The careless shoulder
Sings.
Let’s (030423)
Let's find out
who you are.
Let's explore
what each of us
could know.
Let's wonder
from afar.
Let's point
to some attraction
and just go.
Let's marvel
at a star.
Let's plant
a day of seeds
and watch them grow.
Let's forget
who we are.
Let's flour
up the room
and make some dough.
New Seeds (030424)
I got your email
and then two voices.
thank god you have
no other choices.
you say i'm scheduled
for my teeth.
?are these reminders
your bequeath.
you're mom already
to kids and ex.
?is this a muscle
you need to flex.
go back to running
it pumps the heart.
You’re finished casting
I got my part.
give some new seeds
the space to start.
Home to a memorable rose (030518)
It was my home too.
Children fed
Flowers watered
Nature pruned.
All growing
More or less
The right way up.
So I dine at our table,
Pour the dressing from that
Small carafe,
Sprinkle the herbs
We harvested,
Then recycle what will
In those white plastic bins.
I’ve planted trees to keep
this time.
They’re firmly staked to
Weather wind
I’m diggin’ in
Uprooting grass
Your neatest rock garden
Could never kill -
And I will still
try to grow
A memorable rose
Okay to be afraid to plan (030820)
we are making plans
with reservations, no doubt.
its okay for me to be afraid
but let's wait till we can shout ...
or laugh or cry - a blessing in the flesh.
or live or die - an expression of the fresh.
Another pretender to contention (030821)
Elvis used to sing about ‘the pretender to contention’ …
sitting by the old Ottawa city hall coffeeing up for the drive home
and there's the poem
that seeks to spring
or subtly leak
and offer some thing
like a peak
at passion.
thinking of some year-old days bargaining with the spirits in the trees
and there's the breeze
that cools the skin
or softens sin
and offers something
like a painless
prison.
waiting for the green light to begin weighing out the cost of that emotion
and there's the quotient
the tops the bottom
or cuts the quick
and offers some thing
like a slick
impression.
taking time to make a memory writing heartbeats on the page
and there's the rage
that bites my heals
and there's the stage
that plays the act
or really cries
and offers something
like a wise
reflection
from a pretender
to contention
my pleasure (030901)
another woman gives margaret’s ex the boot and it feels good for a few days.
loaded -
with the sweet revenge
of justice done
or some amends.
but ?why rationalize
he's all alone
his misery
will scratch my bone
of pleasure.
fisted –
i rejoice aloud
there's sunshine in
the darkest cloud
but ?why philosophize
the power to hate
i took their worst
then had to wait
this treasure
twisted
but not yet undone
its good to see
an asshole run
but ?why eulogize
he got the boot
some smarter woman
followed suite
when again he failed
the measure.
Copyright Notice © 2003 Peter Gillies
We always knew you might
Spring 2003
"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
Thanks Chris …
we always knew you might (030116)
I got your bill
From Ma Bell
Care of me
At the post box.
That’s where you’ll find me
If you write.
I picked your speed up
From every
Silver wagon
On the highway.
Going home to
sleepless nights.
I plucked your business
From the ashes
Of our home.
And kept it running
Through your flight.
I burned your picture
While you housecleaned me
Out the door.
As we always knew
You might.
Afloat in january (021230)
larry returns from the sunshine coast to PC problems
too much
your fun
on the coast
sun shone
now you back
relaxed
and your system's
gone
glow the
big boat
till the new year's
afloat
then party
so hearty
that january
is tardy.
One of those days it really hurt (010106)
Why did you leave me
All alone
In our home
And then give it away?
Why did you say
I didn’t care about your kids?
You’ll never say you’re sorry
Because you cannot feel
Other people’s hurt
Oh you cried on hearing stories
Of battered women
Or homeless families
But you couldn’t tolerate
Pain in your own home.
Oh you loved your abstracts –
Like those grandiose scientific theories
Or leading edge public policies or
Even a mothers’ uncompromising love
for her children –
but you couldn’t abide conflict
under our roof.
You had no commitment
To any personal investigation –
Heh somebody else
Was always to blame
You left me, without even
The guts
To say goodbye.
Maybe you panicked
Maybe you didn’t know
What you wanted.
Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth sharing
?So why do I hang on
waiting for a word
from you.
Its just as you said
One vitriolic afternoon
"Peter - you are weak!"
Well you always did
Need to be
Right
And it must feel good.
The kings of British Columbia (030110)
BC premiere gordon campbell is convicted of drunk driving on vacation in Honolulu
oh i would love to have
those free Hawaiian punches
or those gratis East Vancouver porches
if only i were king
All the rest don’t matter (030121) Chris Zindler
Ex-sister in law chris grits her teeth
There are just two types
that never go away.
Good friends and bad enemies
are with us to stay.
And in the end
they're all we need to play
splitting nails
chris’ hawaii vacation plans are foiled
i Missed the plane
and there ain't no boat
going to Hawaii.
where you don't need a coat
my mood is shitty
but i recall mom's ditty
"if you’re hot chase tails -
if you’re mad spit nails."
The Elvis of Greatest Hits (030123)
Chuck makes another best of tape
Elvis Was A Truckdriver
Who didn’t take shit
From nobody.
He didn’t mix politics.
With the job that
gotta be done.
He didn’t throw himself
On a landmine.
to look the ayatollah
Right in the eye.
He didn’t ask around
The neighbourhood for babies.
In a frivolous
Hongkong
Necktie.
He never lowered his guard
For even half an hour
After midnight.
Below the burning set of issues
In his big instrument
Of control.
He kept a grapefruit diet
For his herbal heart.
He Czeched his punks
At the door.
But then Danny Kaye appeared
And he knew
He was dead.
Strong enough to doubt (030125)
?Is it a "catastrophe"
When two lines don’t meet
When you got two truths
But just one seat.
You could play them off
You can deny one
If you blink real hard
There may be none.
But if you’re afraid to leap
Cause you might be wrong
Or abort that lift
Cause you doubt you’re strong
You can still stay true
To the self that’s you
To the fear and doubt
That are all about -
And the hurt you feel
Which is just as real.
He won’t leave you (030126)
I know you could never
Hate him
So you gotta hate me.
For the tempest you’re tossed
For the love that you lost
And the squander of patrimony.
He won’t ever leave you
Don’t worry
Like I said goodbye.
If your kids "I don’t care for"
And you heart "I’m not there for"
Then maybe he’s your kinda guy.
He’ll just come around
Now and then
To pick up his pay.
For the days that he’s sittin’
With Louie the kitten
"They’re just bein’ boys – let ’em play."
"Mom will do it" is so easy to say.
Last page (030131)
Another notebook comes to an end …
Last page
To end this book
Of dreams.
Or so it seems -
Seen from the hurricane’s
Six month centre
That sent her
Away.
Slain
By circumstance
I had serialized away
From real expectations
To fancied palpitations -
Thoroughly harmonized
Or at least
Struggled to ryhme.
So take some time
To end
This book
Of dreams.
New clothes (030201)
Celebrating the house deal done
deal is closed
gotta get new clothes
tie on a suit
or squeeze some fruit
till the juice is runnin
and the garden sunnin
its mine (030202)
got no spouse
but i gotta a house
and its mine to keep
even when i sleep
sandtween toes (Janet kee 030204)
I'll be there
with sand tween toes
a beachy air
and a flair
for good knows.
Heh we might get bombed (030207)
Love those cathay pacific girls serving up the bali bound drinks
Asia bound flight,
A little indian spice,
Add some liquid drugs -
Cooks a dream real nice
Though I’m gonna touch down
On a first class beach
Its the economy beers
That make me preach
Heh We might get bombed!
So I’m gonna stay high
Give me chili and sunshine
Cause I’m ready to fry.
Just dining in my head? (030214)
Continually impressed by the Balinese innate sense of beauty and attention to ambience
It seems like everything
Is placed just where
It should be
Not just the functional world –
Like table cutlery
And hotel room amenities
And fresh flowers
On every table
Where I dine.
But also fountain running waters
And gardens spraying colour
And omnipresent smiles
From spirits every face
Heh - But hang on
To that assumption
Despite the every corner temples
Is life really that inspired
Or am I just desperate
For a different movie
To be streamin’
Through my head.
Three harmless preboarding inspirations (03/02/18)
Waiting for the jakarta singapore flight – ripe something off and exercise that pen
One:
Get high when I gotta
And poetic when I can
Met the deadlines I must
Daily visit the can
But don’t get hung up
On the daybook as plan.
Two:
Gonna get on the plane
And drink till it drops
From a bomb or a threat
Or the last of its stops
Then I’m gonna get off
And hope my ear pops
So I won’t miss the drama
When they call the cops
Three:
Things will rhyme much better
When I’ve had my next beer
Cause I won’t waste time pondering
Or confronting the fear
That I’ve not much to say
That’s not already clear
Or its just the refreshment
That makes me a seer.
Unconscious (030301)
Its good to yield control
In a helpful way,
Like a decision deferred
To another’s say
But when I forfeit my time
To nothing but talk
Well it seems a crime
To be in such hock
Though accounts may get lost
And debts are dismissed
I’m still gonna pay
For my unconscious fist.
Not untouched
She’s not untouched by sadness
For sure she’s blinked a tear.
She not unmoved to madness
When mindless fists are near.
She’s not unenlightened,
But I’ve oft seen her frightened,
By the thought
Of confronting
Her fear.
East of My Life (030302)
back in the east of my life.
the now
of building and budding.
bleeding is believing
that there's wounds
that will heal.
Walk her home
What if no one wants her
Cause she cannot stop the itch.
What if they won’t take her
Cause she cannot throw the pitch.
That’ll help them
Walk her
Home.
Welcome Scars (030302 janet kee)
centrally returning
to the broken
heartland.
now coagulating, the slow drip
slowing
thickening,
from scab
to a dry welcome scar.
body art.
an ornament of the soul.
Chez sightings (030303)
Hanging out at my home away from – chez eric
Out the east chez window
The anglican steeple aspires
To heights above
The hamilton lots of cars
A railing of lanterns and herb pots
Waiting for their summer spots
Up goes the dinner menu
Dinner comes down
To tease the town’s tastebuds
Snow shortened tree field
Spring secrets concealed
Your choice of voice
I wish she had said something
I guess you wanted to go
And so
I’m happy you made
Your choice
I hope that when your road
Next forks
The joy you meet will spark
Your voice
Dear drop
With no intent to express affection
Nor to formally address
You can drop the "dear" and have no fear
I’ll receive you like the rest
Not enough (030311)
We did not trust
Each other enough
To get
Too badly hurt
So where’s the anger
Pointed at
So what’s the pain
I’ve got down pat
Its aimed at her
But is that fair
There’s other wounds
I must lay bare
My mom, and sister
Even dear dead dad
Have touched the nerve
Which makes me mad
I did not trust
Myself enough
To get behind
Those scars
So when they’re picked
Its me to blame
And when they bleed
It me that’s lame.
Copyright Notice © 2002 2003 Peter Gillies, Janet Kee
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