Welcome fear the bride 04Sept07

The current focus of Amnesty – www.amnesty.ca - on Stopping Violence Against Women inspired this reflection on my precipitation of an act of domestic psychological violence.



Stopping the violence against women begins at home. With men - like me. For the ones we "love".







I don’t know

The fear you live

The tears you give

at night to pillows

talked of trying

to make men reason.



“Season it a little longer”

I keep saying

While you are praying

For deliverance

From the hard of choosing

How to minimize

The strain.



And so your pain….



You don’t know

The life I fear

You’re not the seer

Who counts the cost

Of baggage packed

And never tossed.



Lost among the dreams

That ripen every day

Naively planting seeds

And hosing weeds

All glowing green

Among the concrete

Of my life.



And so my strife….



Subtle though….



The gears we grease

To make life go

In faith

Or desperation

Or less dramatic

Hesitation

Faced with forces

Seeming large

We play it human

Take the charge

In stride.



Are you ready

For the ride

That fate will make

Our last?



I loved you that day

Like many others woken

Before dawn

And helped erect

With coffee strong

And your sweet smile

Dew endearing.



Clearing with the sun-burnt fog

We’re on the road

Complete with dog

But missing kids

The other home

Has got their dibs

Today.



Play your driving tunes

And croon along

While I unroll

The miles

At the wheel

You know the feel

Familiar from these years

Together wondering where they lead?



But have we taken heed?

Of doubts those wonderings make

Love’s not a cake

Or candle fixture

Thought it figures

In the picture

We daily paint.



Almost quaint -

This morning portrait

Of ourselves

Speeding south

Anticipating family cheer

our blessings should be counted

like treasures to be mounted

on the dash.



Are you ready

for the crash

that fate will

split our lives?



Get our bearings as

The dashboard compass

Moves our horizon

Were our eyes on

Different maps?

Or clocks?

Or is the schedule

Just a box

I need to

Feel secure.



I’m sure your brother

Said that he expected

Us by noon -

So we’ll be late

Well that’s our fate -

But I’m not happy

With your denial

Of any commitment

To the time.

A bomb is ticking

Quite sublime.



But there is no explosion

On the way.

Just a vicious

Poker game

My insistent questions

Your responses “lame”.

The stakes

Go up

As does

The speed

You won’t

Be freed

Without

Confession -



It’s my obsession.



I am ready

To break your pride….



And you are too afraid

To be unbroken….



At 160 the words

Get spoken

That I demand

To hear.

Its not your tears

Which slow me down

Your face of fears

Can’t thaw the freeze.



“Please”….



“Stop”….



“You are right”….



….



….



That simple med

Sucks the poison

From MY pride

And the gas

From MY pedal

Inflamed.

I am tamed

By the fracture

Of your will



….



….



Though I still

Struggle power

With the ones

I love

I am years wiser

From that final trip.



And better able

To make

The flip

To compassion



That passion

Must always stand beside.

And welcome fear -

the bride.






Copyright Notice © 2004 Peter Gillies